What is the one thing I’d never do? I’m torn between two:
Unfortunately, I see two flaws with these choices. For one, if the apocalypse happens, I may not have much of a choice on the space travel. The second is that murder should have been the first thing that came to mind and it wasn’t? And now I’m having some really weird moral debate with myself. Would I kill someone to save my dog? Isn’t that a bit much? Why am I talking about killing people? How do I get out of this topic I’ve fallen into?
Anyway, this was the question that popped into my head the other night and I couldn’t stop wondering what would be something I would absolutely never do, and how there were definitely things I used to think I would never do but then did.
How about smoking a cigarette? I only did it once, and to be fair, my friends and I had just been abandoned in a bar at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of Oslo, Norway with no idea where we were, and someone offered me a cigarette. I figured, what the hell, I’m probably going to get kidnapped and die tonight anyway. Might as well have one final (well, first) puff before I am trapped in a cell for the remainder of my days.
It was gross, I handed it back, and spoiler alert, I was not kidnapped and caged.
How about ordering a medium Meatzza from Dominos and eating it all in one sitting? I had some adorable body image issues growing up, and for some reason, Teenager Elaine decided that the truest sign that she had fallen off the deep end and had become “fat” was if she sat down and ate a whole pizza in her adulthood.
Ha. Ha ah. Ha ah ha ah ha ah ha.
I definitely did this three times in 2018. I didn’t feel great about it, and it’s definitely not a decision I would recommend to others (I mean, the Meatzza is amazing but it’s also called a Meatzza). In a weird way, it felt empowering? Like, fuck you Meatzza, you are mine now? Anyway, one unhealthy decision doesn’t suddenly make you “fat” and mean that you’ve completed made your life go down the drain. So, I work actively hard to not eat whole pizzas by myself, but accept that life happens.
How about murder? I was five years old when I first wielded my battle ax.
You know what, never mind. I’ll save that story for my tell-all in twenty years.
We change as people over the years, and sometimes we end up doing things that our older selves would have thought completely unacceptable. Whether that’s a good or bad thing really depends on the situation. It’s healthy to look back on your past and see why you had reasons for “never doing that one thing.” Do you have a habit you’ve taken up that maybe you shouldn’t have? Or, have you let something slide that you can forgive yourself for?
Also, sometimes we change and grow for the better with our list of nevers. I was never going to get on an airplane because the sheer terror I felt at the idea made me feel sick. But travelling is one of my biggest passions in life, and I’d never have that part of my life if I didn’t do my never thing.
In the end, perhaps never doesn’t have to mean always.
And that sounded really profound in my head, but now that I’ve written it down, it sounds like some kind of crap I would pull out in English class.