What Happens When You Can’t Give Your All?

I’ve been having a TIME, y’all. This past week, I got really frustrated at myself for falling behind. I felt like I was performing at my best which led to my perfectionist volcano to erupt and destroy everything in it’s path.

Sometimes, you’re not going to be able to go above and beyond, or even hit what is usually your regular bar. Mental health can and does affect how we live our lives. The sooner we can accept it, the sooner we can start working with it!

Does Self-Love Have Meaning Anymore?: My Quest For Inner Peace

Self-Love (or lack thereof) Reflections of 2019

  • 2019 I spent my days loathing myself in different ways. 
    • I didn’t like my body
    • I was mad every time I was anxious or depressed
    • I was mad I wasn’t working out, but kept complaining about it
    • I was mad I wasn’t writing.
    • I was mad I didn’t do anything with my weekends.
    • I hated the way I maintained my home.
    • I felt like I was wrecking myself with my chaotic mornings and rushed/late evenings.
  • The end result was while I still was happy and enjoyed parts of 2019, every morning,  my first thought was I wasn’t enough, and my last thoughts going to bed were a list of things I should have done.
  • The pattern was ingrained in me and I took it to be normal. In fact, I just figured I’m a depranxious person so this was a side effect to my life. 
  • My routine was a CRUELTINE DAMN YES I AM A SELF-HELP GODDESS. BRENE BROWN IS QUAKING.
  • 2020 is my year of not hating myself. There’s no reason for me to instantly hate myself in the morning. I can save that hatred for the moments when I get bangs or enjoy a Justin Bieber song. 
  • How am I breaking the pattern
    • My February goal is to meditate daily. It provides a break when I start entering the hate spiral. Even if I can’t do it until the end of the day, it’s a way to reboot my thoughts and start over. 
    • The meditation that’s working for me so far is this video that just says “I am” affirmations for five hours. It’s weird but also it’s my favorite because I don’t have to add in my own brain power. Lazy meditation: because closing my eyes and breathing was too hard.
    • Catching the bad thoughts: I’m not going to lie, I watched the Taylor Swift documentary Miss Americana and when Taylor talked about her body image issues from the past, she said when she caught herself obsessing, she would pause and say, “No. We don’t do this anymore.” So, I started trying that out and it’s working. As someone who ragged on herself 24/7, I figured fussing at myself would come naturally, and my hypothesis was true! 
      • So yeah, despite enjoying crystals, tarot, and Brene Brown books, it turns out Taylor Swift taught me something. Damn it Taylor, look what you made me do.
  • Self-love also means you take care of yourself.
    • I realized I’m tired of waking up feeling tired. Now, I drink tea before bed, meditate, and go to bed early. The hardest part is stopping what I’m working on: chores, this podcast, writing, texting back a friend.
    • I’m lowering my alcohol and sugar intake. I enjoy a good cocktail and like, six beers. But alcohol has the chance to make me anxious the next day, or even later in the evening. And at that point, I think having one more drink will help abate the feelings, which it technically does but…it doesn’t last, and then I get more anxious. So to stop the cycle and to remind myself I can have fun without going to town, I’ve started pausing. You know what? I still had just as much fun. The sugar is also something that can make me feel like crap.
    • I’m going to start doing some yoga again. Taking Fern for longer walks.
  • I watched a sunset for the first time in years. Bundled up, brought my tea outside, and just breathed.

Self-love is a term that you’ve probably heard so many times, it’s lost its  meaning. Maybe you’re like me and you think that you’ve done your best with self-love and the rest is pointless since you’re anxious, or depressed, or depranxious. The idea of doing yoga daily and cleaning my house daily and only thinking positive thoughts was incredibly overwhelming to me. I didn’t realize that that wasn’t what self-love is. 

My version of the daily crap is smaller, and it can rotate out. I don’t have to do yoga daily, and there’s no stress if I miss it. I want these habits to be nurturing and not burdensome. Since I tend to beat myself up for “not doing enough” or “missing” stuff, I don’t want to implement these changes as do or die.

This past week has really changed my attitude on how to take care of myself. I am happier in my day, and even on some bad days, I’m still not as low as I was. At least I’m not adding to the shitstorm when it hits the fan.

My favorite mantra/phrase/wordz is “Life isn’t all that serious,” a concept that once made me recoil when a therapist said it. I didn’t think it was possible to get out of my head that way, but I’m starting to see it. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. Don’t take life too seriously because life thinks you’re a joke. 

Love yourself, send that love out to others, and then go do something about it.

Self-Love Saviors

Here’s that 5-hour meditation I mention in my podcast:

Casey Jourdan hosts Steady She Grows, a podcast that helps solo-preneurs logistically and emotionally. Casey is a huge proponent on batch recording (which I mention I am AWFUL at doing!), and talking about how you need to streamline your processes to better time manage yourself. Her episode on How Systems Save You is a great resource to help take care of yourself!

Coach Christine is my endless source of positivity. Her podcast, Your Empty Nest Coach, helps mothers who are facing the impending empty nest and wondering who they are now that their kids have flown the coop. Her episodes are easy to binge, and even though I am not a mother with kids in college, I still find value in every episode. I also recommend following her on Instagram because she posts daily Insta stories each morning and they honestly help set the tone for my day!

I also feel the need to shout out my pod friends who have helped me during the medication change and encouraged me to stick with the podcast: Coach Christine, Carolyn of Beyond6Seconds, KT from For Your Reference, Heidi from Vibrant Visionaries, Alyson from Art History For All…and more that I’m definitely forgetting right now but will be sure to put on blast via my socials!

Also, the folks who are not-podcasters but I still decide to hang out with anyway: Kameron, Maxbrey, Laura, Rachel, Angela, Taylor, JCTA, Amber – thanks for also helping me discover how to love myself.

The Monthly Meltdown: Leap into February

The Monthly Meltdown is a series where I review my previous month’s goals, assess what did and did not work, and then plan out what I hope to accomplish in the oncoming month. The main focus is on bettering my mental health and hopefully inspiring you!

Download your February Goals sheet here: http://www.anguseyetea.com/

The planner I use for each Monthly Meltdown episode is the BestSelf Co planner! BestSelf has goal journals, planners, thought decks, and a ton of other cool stuff. Use code ANGUSEYETEA for 15% off your order.

Let’s chat!

Email: anguseyetea@gmail.com

Show notes can be found on my website www.anguseyetea.com.

Follow me on Insta and Twitter @AngusEyeTea.

***

I am not a health professional. I am simply a human who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/

The Fear of Success: Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Go where you feel most alive.

-Unknown

As a recovering public school system perfectionist, I find myself focusing on all the ways things could go wrong constantly. Usually, I take this to be my fear of failure. I don’t want to be embarrassed or shamed or vulnerable.

But as the years have gone by, I’ve come to a knew conclusion.

I’m afraid of success.

How idiotic, right? I should want to be successful. Take the ‘w.’ Wouldn’t it be my inner-perfectionist’s dream come true?

Well, no worries, folks. Leave it to me to find a way to bring agony to a perfectly good situation!

Today’s episode explores why the fear of success looms so heavy with us along with some conclusions I’ve made on how to fight it.

Extra Goodies

ContraPoints and Cancel Culture

This video slightly made me afraid to make this podcast bigger, but at the same time, it made me realize I could survive any sort of social media blow up. ContraPoints talks about canceling culture, which I think fits perfectly into our fear of success topic. Natalie is an amazing YouTuber and I’d highly recommend checking out her other videos!

Work On Loving Yourself with Blessing Manifesting

Blessing Manifesting is a blog and self-love, one-stop-shop created by Dominee. I discovered this blog this weekend and:

  1. Can’t get over the fun and positive colors/designs.
  2. Love the blog and the way Dominee shares her story.
  3. Learned that she makes workbooks and planners.
  4. Learned that she had A WITCHY PLANNER. My inner hipster witch rejoiced.

Since I’m insane and can never own enough planners, I bought the digital version of the self-care planner. It is so nice and easy to fill out while having trackers to keep tabs on how you’re doing. And yes, it’s just as bright as her website!

Overall, an amazingly positive corner of the internet.

Blessing Manifesting

More Tidbits!

Follow me on Insta and Twitter @AngusEyeTea!

Wanna support the podcast? Check out our partner below!

BestSelf Co – They have a planner I’ve used for two years, along with a TON of cool productivity tools, so I asked to join their ambassador program! Use code ANGUSEYETEA for 15% off your order.

***

I am not a health professional. I am simply a human who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/

Why I Didn’t Settle On My Medication

Recently, I’ve talked on the podcast about my medication change. I’ve been going through this process since November, so about three months! It’s been hard with some delightful side effects, but I can’t emphasize how much better I feel because of the changes I have made.

The reason I sought help wasn’t due to an overwhelming, obvious symptom. I wasn’t suddenly having copious amounts of panic attacks, or felt a noticeable pain in my side, or realized I could suddenly breathe fire.

All I had was a tiny, little hunch that something was just…off.

What was it? I had no idea. I knew, though, that I was feeling “happy.” Originally, I thought my spikes in anxiety and energy were good because, simply put, I didn’t feel depressed. However, I recently learned some great math:

Not Depressed /=/ Happy

I spent my 2019 frantic and depressed, and honestly, exhausted. You can hear if you listen back to my older episodes. I can hear me attempting to convince myself that I’m fine. This is fine. It’s soooo fine, nothing is wrong, DON’T LOOK BEHIND THE CURTAIN.

But, let’s say you’re someone who has been severley anxious and depressed your whole life. How do you know that you aren’t okay if you’ve never experienced it?

That thought is false, as you may have caught: I am not always anxious, nor always depressed. I have caught the glimpses and phases of okay-ness! But I did not trust my thoughts or emotions on how I felt, so I did what I do best: pulled out a shovel and buried those thoughts deeeeep down!

However, around fall, I hit a breaking point. I was technically okay – my life, on paper, was great. I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel 100%. I mean, I wasn’t as depressed as I used to be, so what gave me the right to be bratty and depend a new, shiny pill to make my life perfect?

Well, the problem is that, yet again, that is a distorted thought.

Seeking the correct medication is not selfish.

In the episode, I talk about some of the prejudices that I let get to me about my medication and how it factored into my delay. Luckily for me, buried thoughts are like zombies. They always rise from the grave at some point.

So, there it was: I am not happy, and I don’t know why or how.

I went into my psychiatrist appointment that first day and I told her, “I don’t know how to word it, and I don’t even know how much truth is in the thought, but something is telling me that something is not right.”

And I was right.

The moral of this story is to please trust your gut. You know yourself best, and any symptom or reoccurring thought is valid. You have a right to seek the best medication to manage your mental health disorder. It is not selfish, it is not bratty, it is not weak.

Extra Fun

  • Angus Eye Tea has a Pinterest, if that tickles your fancy! One of my favorite boards right now is for Spoonie Merch.
  • Speaking of MERCH, I’d like to know what kind of stuff you like the most – tshirts, stickers, buttons, etc. Do you like merch that directly mentions the show? Or, do you like merch that isn’t so obvious, but those who see it would know what’s up? DM or email me!
  • A podcast I’m really enjoying right now is Sometimes in Shambles. The host, Melissa, talks about her experiences with anxiety in all aspects of her life. The show is like a serial diary about the struggles of mental health, and if you like Angus Eye Tea, then this pod will be right up your alley!

How to “Come Out” With a Mental Health Disorder

How to “Come Out” With a Mental Health Disorder

Hey, Heifers! Do you feel pressured to tell people about your mental health disorder? Do you wish you could open up about it with your family/friends, but aren’t sure how? Are you worried about what people might think?

Hi, I’m a podcast host and now I’m an infomercialist! Jk, but I’ve gone through this experience many times. I’d love to share with you what has helped me and hopefully give you the courage to share this part of your life with those who care about you.

Should I Tell My Workplace About My Mental Health Disorder? | This episode is similar to today’s topic!

Hit me up!

Email: anguseyetea@gmail.com

www.anguseyetea.com/blog

Follow me on Insta and Twitter @AngusEyeTea.

***

Wanna support the podcast? Check out our partners below!

BestSelf Co – They have a planner I’ve used for two years, along with a TON of cool productivity tools, so I asked to join their ambassador program! Use code ANGUSEYETEA for 15% off your order.

***

I am not a health professional. I am simply a human who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/

The Monthly Meltdown: A Legendary January

Happy January, Heifers! Welcome to The Monthly Meltdown: the series where I review my goals for each month and see how much I failed!

Make sure to download the Angus Eye Tea goal template!

Follow us on Insta and Twitter @AngusEyeTea.

***

Wanna support the podcast? Check out our partners below!

BestSelf Co – They have a planner I’ve used for two years, along with a TON of cool productivity tools, so I asked to join their ambassador program! Use code ANGUSEYETEA for 15% off your order.

***

I am not a health professional. I am simply a human who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/

Please Be Kind, 2020: New Years Revelations

Email: anguseyetea@gmail.com

Follow us on Insta and Twitter @AngusEyeTea.

***

Wanna support the podcast? Check out our partners below!

BestSelf Co – They have a planner I’ve used for two years, along with a TON of cool productivity tools, so I asked to join their ambassador program! Use code ANGUSEYETEA for 15% off your order.

***

I am not a health professional. I am simply a human who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/

A Very Anxious Christmas

A Very Anxious Christmas

When Host Elaine Best catches a case of the bah-humbugs, a ghostly form of her friend, Kameron (ft. in ep “Dating Anxiety” and “Superstitions) takes her on a journey to Christmas Podst in the hopes of turning around Elaine’s pessimistic view of the holidays. 

Follow Angus Eye Tea on all socials @AngusEyeTea

www.anguseyetea.com

Chat with me! Email: @anguseyetea

LISTEN TO THE CHRISTMAS PODSTS

Art History For All by Allyson Healey | @arthistory4all

Arthistoryforall.com

Your Empty Nest Coach by Coach Christine | @emptynestcoach

http://www.youremptynestcoach.com

For Your Reference by KT and Oti | @foryourrefpod

fyrpodcast.com/

Beyond 6 Seconds by Carolyn Kiel | Insta: @beyond6seconds Twitter: @beyond6s

www.beyond6seconds.com